Weight Stigma Affects our Lived Experience of Our Bodies

Over the past month of embodied movement sessions, what strikes me is the level to which we all carry societal messages, and often shame, about our bodies. These messages are slippery and sneaky in the way they infiltrate our minds, our emotions, our nervous systems, our relationships and our movement patterns. I'll illustrate this with a very common example. 

For lots of us, we've encountered weight stigma in so many places and times in our lives that we can't even identify where we got that old belief that hangs around in the shadows of our minds and feels like an amorphous shame or embarrassment about our bodies. However, just because this fat phobia is hiding out in the shadows, this doesn't mean that its affects are hiding in the shadows. Sometimes these beliefs are debilitating. And most of the time, we wouldn't say that we are fat phobic, or identify as someone who thinks fat is inherently bad. Or maybe we just haven't thought much about it because it's the water we swim in. It's also really confronting when we become aware that we've adopted some version of weight stigma into our belief systems. We all like to think that our beliefs naturally align with our values, but they don't necessarily align. And they won't align unless we examine these beliefs and realign our thinking and our actions with our core values. 

I can't tell you how often I've had the experience of meeting with a new client who makes the assumption that I think they need to loose weight. Maybe this is because they think they need to loose weight, and therefore they assume I also think this. Or maybe it's because they've been told by so many other healthcare providers that they need to loose weight, and they assume I'm on the same page. Or maybe they've had traumatizing experiences of being shamed for their body, and as a means of protection they now assume everyone thinks that about them. There are so many ways we come to make these assumptions about what other people think of us. (Which by the way is none of our business anyways.)

I'm here to say I do not have an agenda about your weight. I never promote weight loss or offer uninvited diet advice in my sessions. I try very hard to gently confront this when it comes up in order to foster honest and clear communication with my clients. I do want more information about how you came to that belief and I want be a supportive witness as you root out those old beliefs and examine them. I want to have a conversation about your core values, and help you examine those old beliefs through the lens of your values. I want to ask you questions like, “Who told you you were overweight? Why did they think that? Do you actually believe that? Does your body have a different opinion? Did you even know that your body and mind might have differing opinions? Are you listening to how your body feels when you criticize him/her/them? Are you assuming that having body fat is a bad thing? Have you thought about repairing the relationship between your mind and body around hidden and unexamined weight stigma? Are you aware that body shame can creep into our belief systems without even knowing it? Did you know you don't have to weigh yourself when you go to the doctor?"

I have so many questions!

I hear “I just want to be healthy” a lot, and I'm calling BS. This is just code for “I want my body to be smaller because that is what my culture/friend/TV/Instagram/etc… tells me is healthy." I want to have a more nuanced conversation about it, and determine what actually makes you feel healthy. What does “Healthy” even mean to you? Is this about bloodwork results? Is this about immune system function? Is this about energy and vitality? Is this about cardiovascular ability or physical function? Is this about appetite for food and for life? Is this about the ability to feel pleasure in your body? Does being ”Healthy" mean you are more worthy of love? You can see how quickly we can get into the weeds here! 

I want to have a real and honest conversation about our beliefs about our bodies without assumptions or stigma. I believe that there is so much potential for sustainable change when we develop compassionate, authentic relationships with our bodies. All of our bodies are worthy of our attention and care. All of our bodies are holding so much, and I invite you to get curious about opening this conversation with your body free from judgement. I’m here if you want to talk.